you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
