I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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