He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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