I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
