Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
