Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
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