There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
