You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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