I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
