mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
