You don't have asthma, your pregnant
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
Randomize
