i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Randomize
