I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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