I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
