Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
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