I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
