i think my mom watched the whole time
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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