I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
sex in a hospital.. check
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
