Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
