Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
