Nicole vs. Life
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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