How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
