I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
