I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
