he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Is it penis luge time yet?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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