Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
