Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
Randomize
