Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I think i got beer on your cat.
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