Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Blood and glitter go together right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
