she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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