I can't breathe out the right side of my face
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
Randomize
