Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
