in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
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