Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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