This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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