No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
how drunk are you?
Several
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
