this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Randomize
