I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
