I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Randomize
