Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
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