I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
