new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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