I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Randomize
