haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
