There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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