And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
last night I used snow as a chaser
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
