like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
