I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
