the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
You are a genius and a whore.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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