We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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