need another drink. this is the easiest way
good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
