Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
