how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
