Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
