Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
