I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
