in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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